[	mood	|	depressed	]
[	music	|	It's My Life :: jUvEniiLe *	]

I swear, my life is definitely the worse it has ever been. I can hardly breathe anymore. I miss my boyfriend so much, it's not even funny. I can't even smile like I used to anymore. Last night I didnt get any sleep at all. I spent it crying & thinking about what me & him used to have. It hurt me so much and I don't think I can live without him. I never wanted to get this attached to him, but I did. I really think I need some professionall help or something. I don't think it's healthy for me anymore. I don't wana admit it, but I'm really not okay at all. He just doesn't know how much he means to me at all. I'm never going to be happy again. He was everything I needed, I can't believe now It's all gone. It just proves how some things aren't guaranteed to you tomorrow. Then last night I talked to him, It's like he didn't even care, like he wasn't even missing me. I don't understand where I went wrong to disappoint him & ruin our relationship. God, all I want is my angel mine again. My life is hell, and I don't know how longer I can take of this bullshit and pain. Last night I was like thinking of him w/some other girll and how hurt I would be. My problem is that I think too much, and it always makes me worry more. I swear, I'm dying and I regret ever being born. I am never going to be happy unless I'm with him again. I doubt he wants me back. Today would b our anniversary too, shit 7 months man. All I'm asking for is to have everything we had back again. I can't stop thinking about him, I need him to love me again, only him. He is everything to me & no other boy could compare to how perfect he is. He gave me all the love I needed and more, I just never admitted it untill now. Honestly, He was all I asked God for each and every day of my entire life. If I could create the perfect boyfriend for me, a soul mate, a lover, he would be it. He treated me the best out of all my other boyfriends. Over the 7 months, I didn't even need any1 but him. I remember missing him if we didn't talk for like a day. I talk about him to all my friends & when i meantioned or heard his name, I couldn't stop smiling. Its like my heart races when I hear his voice and when he used to say 'I love you.' I had never been so happier in my entire life, and everyone around me could see that too. He never knew how much he meant to me. No one could ever be better than he was. I don't want any of that to be over, I don't think I'll ever let it go. Theres just too much between us still. He made me feel so amazing and beautifull, like i actually meant something to someone. Like i actually made an impact on his life. It's really a miracle when you find someone who loves you for you & you love them too. Unfortunately, I had to be a screw-up as usuall, and mess it all up. I still love you beautfull. I don't want anyone else, I NEED you.. <3

i finally found what i've been looking for
and now you know i'm going to love you more
hold me tight cause it's .always. been you
to think that you were always there
to be my friend and wipe away my tears
now it's clear that it's ALWAYS been  y o u

<3 feels like I damn nearly through my life away...*

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	One Call Away :: C tO tHa H tO tHa ING - Y	]

I stayed home from school today b/c im sick. I have a headache, a cold & i can't breathe. This sucks so muchh! I miss all my friends<3 the day isn't the same without them to make me smile. I woke up this morning and told my parents I wasn't going to school. They really didn't care, as usuall, and now I'm here bored & no one to talk to =( I watched television then went back to sleep & woke up again. Now, i can't go back to sleep even though i really really want to. I really needed to rest a Lot. I feel a little bit better than this morning. I swear I think i got the cold from my brother. Ahh i fucking hate him so much right now. I saw all these commercials about cold medicines and all these people like '12 hour cold relief?! Now that sounds better' and how they aren't sick anymore and i started cursing them out and im like 'FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING LUCKY BITCH!!' well im gonna go and be bored...yay..

grrr i hate all you healthy ppl, i feel like fucking coughing in your faces right now!

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	Through the wire :: Kayne West	]

well i know i haven't updated in a long time. A lot of things are different now. Me & my boyfriend are no longer together anymore & it's really starting to affect me in a Lot of ways. I'm pretty sure i'm going to have some sort of nervous breakdown soon or something. I've been so confused lately and so depressed. I'm starting to think that God must seriously hate me right now. Think of the worse possible situations, and I bet they happened to me at least once in my lifetime. I lost my tru love, and it's so hard to deal with when I'm still in love with him. I swear I'm only giving myself a few more days to get better. Then I found out by almost every damn person in my life that I'm a heartbreaker. Wow, that's just great. I hate hurting ppl but w/e. Last night I went to see 'Perfect Score' with Jess P. It was a really funnie movie, but I kept thinking about him and it just killed my night. Also what killed my night was that the person who really meant a whole Lot to me, said that I wasn't his type b/c i only look for sex & he isn't ready for that. I was crying for hours. He doesn't know the first thing im about obviously if he thinks that way. I don't even look for sex. I'm not ready for it either. Any person who fucking knows me at all, knows that about me. Damn, all i want is a fucking serious relationship & a person who loves me for being me. I hate always being judged b/c chances are, they are really wrong about me. It really hurts especially for someone who said i was important in their life. Whatever, some people aren't even worth being hurt over for. They don't know me, they think they do, same old story. Unless you know what all my intentions are really about, i suggest you don't talk at all. I don't think I'll ever forgive you

We could have made it work, we could have found a way,
should have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was t o o  l a t e
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away...

you still have all of me <3

[

mood

|

happy

]

well i forgot to mention my boy billy's birthday <3 i love you so muchh sweetie ... have a nice one *

I watched 'Just Married' omg i love that movie...its soo sweet...makes me wanna have a boyfriend like Ashton so badly..someone who will treat me special & make me feel beautiful...and confess how much he loves me & how much i mean to him. WHERES THAT KINDA BOY ATT?!

today Rico visited me for once. It was nice to see him again since i havent seen him for like 3 months or something like that? I really missed him

i talked to Nick and i'm really glad we got our feelings out and shit...i love him SO muchh<3

::sigh:: i miss my Jessica P soo soo much !  silly toaster, i wuv you =(

-- leave comments or whatever --

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	Slow Jamz :: Twista, Jamie Foxx & Kayne West	]

Well, i decided to make a new livejournal b/c i forgot my other 2 usernames..like usuall....

Today - went to St. Anthony's for Honor Band with my girls, Jackie & Sophia then went to my grandma's house & took a nap b/c i had to wake up at 6 in the morning and i went to bed at 12iSh...

i`ll write later or somethin - i La La LoVe yOu *

She said she wants some Marvin Gaye, some Luther Vandross, a little Anita, will definitely set this party off right <3